Here Are 4 Reasons, From The Therapeutic Coach, On Why You Are Not Getting What You Want.
#1: Still Collecting Data
This life is full of experiences. Every time you engage in a new experience, you learn something new about your likes and dislikes. The younger you are, the more our experiences are introducing new information, and from those details you build. For example, as a child, you see an airplane for the first time, then you learn someone you know flew on a plane and had a good experience, that knowledge produces a desire for you to fly. Depending on your first flight experience, you gather more data on whether you'd like to fly again.
One of my favorite songs by Miki Howard, "Love Under New Management," starts with the line, "Experience is a good teacher…", and I agree. Experience provides an opportunity to learn about what we like and do not like. As we build more on experiences, we also begin to tailor our focus. What we focus on is what we gravitate to.
We often don't have the thing we think we want because we are still gathering data. We are still sorting and sifting based on the information we have. There is a vast difference between knowing precisely what you want and believing you want it without having the experience of it. For instance, you see a car you like, and you determine, I want that car. You may have only seen the car, but you have never driven it or ridden in it. You haven't made any moves towards it other than think about it. You are not clear really on what you want. You just know that you saw something that you liked; it may have been the color or the car's status, meaning you really want the status but not necessarily the car. Those things need to line up just so you know what you really want.
Speaking of the status of the car… Let's discuss wanting what you see someone else has.
#2: You're lying to yourself: (That desire is someone else's.)
Dwayne has a new Lexus; people respect Dwayne. Dwayne gets all the attention; I want a Lexus too! Do you really? Or do you want to be respected and be noticed? Here's another example: Parents have an expectation for you to become a lawyer, you start off on the path, taking the classes, but somehow you just can't seem to focus; you're skipping classes, failing course work. There could be many reasons these things could be happening, but as a counselor, one main question I would ask is, is this what you really want, or is this someone else's desire for you?
We come into this world with an empty slate. We are just existing, learning, and growing. The socialization of parents, schools, and the community begins to shape our opinions. If we are not careful, we will become passionate about achieving someone else's dream while burning ourselves out. Satisfaction comes from developing your own wants or desires authentically and achieving those goals. If you feel you're toiling to no end, you may want to ask yourself, whose passion is this?
#3: You don't think it Exists (Lack of Exposure)
I want a man who loves me, is faithful and is financially stable. Yet you really don't believe that type of man exists. How can you believe a man like that exists, with the variety of reality tv shows like Divorce Court, Housewives, and Cheaters that you continue to watch? Your mom was never loved by a man, your best friend's husband cheated on her, and all the single groups you're on have comment after negative comments on the horrors of relationships; how can you expect to have what you do not indeed expect? Would you recognize it when it came to you?
When we aren't exposed to the things or relationships we want, we cannot train our subconscious to recognize the traits necessary to acquire them. You can't imagine yourself with it or in that relationship (and imagination is the key to manifestation). It isn't that it doesn't exist; it's just that the reality you're exposed to reinforces that experience as the only truth. You then begin to speak what you hear about and see; it becomes a self-fulling prophecy.
#4: Lastly, the fourth reason you don't have what you want:
It's on the way!
Honey, things take time to line up just right for you. Depending on the size of your desire and preparedness to handle it, time is used to create that alignment. Esther Hicks, a public speaker and metaphysical teacher, says, "you're getting ready to be ready."
If you can close your eyes and, in your imagination, see it, smell it, and feel it, then it is heading toward you. You know what you want. Give it time; other people are attached to your desire, getting ready to be ready. Just know it's on the way; go about life gathering more information by experiencing more. Practicing being joyful about your experiences and the lessons that come with them.
Do you want to know which 4 you fall under? Want to make sure you are positioning yourself for the life you want? Subscribe to be notified of my master class, where you will learn practical ways to align your mind with clear intentions to manifest your personal vision.
Nothing is magical or mystical, just not understood.