Updated: May 30, 2022
As a woman in her forties navigating this new dating age filled with apps and sites, I realized it could be almost a part-time job. It is so time-consuming. It can take up time (if you don't have a strategy),and it can low key traumatize you if you aren't careful.
I can not tell you how many times I have gotten on a dating site and filled out my profile (Let's not talk about how trying to figure out how to describe myself is anxiety triggering).😩😩😩
I would finally type up my profile, pick my pictures and then wait for the herd of men to start liking and swiping right.
For context, this is my first time dating as an adult.
I met my former husband at 17, so there you have it. As I think about navigating this new technological world of dating, it hasn't been the most effortless or enjoyable.
I know I am not the only one who is like a fish out of water,
trying desperately to take a breath long enough to find the current that will float me to love... 🥰🥰🥰
I haven't retired my single woman jersey yet, but I have learned of few tricks that allow me to maximize the dating sites while minimizing the
Dating APP Anxiety.
Yes, I've coined Dating App Anxiety. The dread and trepidation that occurs when you engage in dating apps.
Anxiety can come from the fear or frustration of not knowing what to say on profiles. The nervousness that comes from not knowing who to swipe right on.
The frustration that comes from figuring out what to say to individuals you match with who don't say anything or say, "Hi, how are you?" After 10 "hi how are you's," I usually delete the app!
Here are a few pointers that have connectEd me with really great, employed, and attractive people:
What is it that you want your mate to accept about you?
Lead with that.
For instance, I love to talk and be able to communicate with my mate- so I have "I love engaging in conversation.."
I am assertive and have aspirations, so I would write, "I have a vision that I am focused on fulfilling, and I love to dream of more..."
What you place on your profile should be short but direct. Now I'll be honest, ladies, if you are trying to attract a man, some aren't reading your profile until after engagement. That brings me to my next point.
Find a picture void of filters that represent you on the days you made an effort to look good!
I believe in representing the truth, so have one picture at your best: a Picture of how you may look on a regular day and a full body picture.
Here is the thing, you want to attract someone who is attracted to you, not a catfish. Your aim should not be to mislead, and you want to be able to present the person in the picture when you finally have your first meet and greet.
Who do I swipe right on?
Let's be clear, what do you want?
What at this moment do you know for sure you want in a mate.
Be clear and write that down. Do you know what you don't like? Ok, so go from there.
For instance, if you do not want anyone who has young children, and they have pictures with a little girl that indicates it's their daughter, no matter how they look, don't swipe right!
If you know you want a man who is 5'10 and above, don't swipe right for buddy who is 5'8 (so what if he's cute- and his profile says he is a CEO, leave him for someone else).
Rule of Thumb, If you are hesitant, swipe left. (You know I utilize this R.O.T to listen to my intuition. It helps sharpen my skills.)
The key is to filter as much to your liking to lessen the time to overthink.
How to start a conversation in the inbox
This one is for my men (Ladies, you pay attention too).
Now is not the time to "Hi, beautiful" women to death!
Please stop it.
You're making it difficult on yourselves, and then you wonder why women don't want to talk to you offline.
Who wants to sit on the phone with someone who isn't engaging?
You don't have to be a talker or a texter, but you have to get someone's attention by giving them something to look forward to!
At this point, profiles come in handy!
Please pay attention to pictures, background, what they wrote about themselves, or even using the music picks Meta Verse, (aka Facebook), has a dating section that allows you to pick your favorite songs and musicians to display).
Use that information to start a conversation.
"I see you like ….. what is your favorite song of theirs… or, oh wow, it looks like you like hiking, where do you hike?" Etc.
🛑Just stop with the hey beautiful!🛑
Intelligent women, 5 Star men, and women require effort, not copy and paste responses.
My suggestions are for those single women and men looking to maximize dating sites, to meet people who may be the perfect connection for them. I will leave you with those few suggestions to ponder on. What are some strategies you use on dating sites? Share those insights in the comments.
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As Always, it’s a Great Day to be Aligned and Well!